gabrielsaunteredvaguelydownwards:

ideas for new pet names for people

  • my little burrowing owl
  • favoured one
  • my beloved
  • squishy friend
  • mushroom
  • kookaburrah
  • splendid armadillo
  • perfect arrangement of cells and proteins
  • what evolution was aiming for
  • cuddly wuddly sheep
  • dave

(via all-time--lord)

“WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SLICE THEIR PALM TO GET BLOOD. do you know how many nerve endings are in your hand?!?! why don’t they ever cut the back of their arm or their leg or something omfg”

me everytime a character in a movie has to get a few drops of their blood for some ritual bullshit  (via jtoday)

WHILE WE’RE AT IT, why do people try to cross those skinny bridges over lava/chasms/whatever by walking upright. IT’S CALLED CENTER OF GRAVITY. get on your hands and knees and crawl across that thing. HUG IT. SCOOT YOUR BUTT ACROSS. “but i look stupid!” lalalala but we’ll avoid that ~dramatic moment~ where you almost fall over and die because your damn fucking self wanted to look COOL

(via jtoday)

and stop yanking IV lines out of your arms the minute you wake up in the hospital 

(via panconkiwi)

That is a broadsword, why are you fencing with it

(via gallifrey-feels)

There is a freaking door right there. Stop smashing through windows, damn it.

(via intheforestofthenight)

yes, mr. action hero, I am aware that running dramatically from the baddies at breakneck speed is important, but know what else is important? NOT GETTING SHOT. RUN IN A FUCKING ZIGZAG PATTERN ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT THE MOOKS WERE NOT COACHED IN MARKSMANSHIP BY THE IMPERIAL STORMTROOPERS.

(via pterriblepterodactyls)

Oh, hey, you there, sneaky hero-type breaking into any place for any reason? WEAR SOME FUCKING GLOVES. They’re called fingerprints, dumbass. You have them and you’re putting them all over the fucking place.

(via dawnpuppet)

If something really fucking huge is falling on you, don’t FUCKING RUN ALONG THE LENGTH JUST TAKE LIKE TWO FUCKING STEPS TO THE SIDE

(via takshammy)

wEAR A FUCKING HELMET OBERYN YOU LITTLE SHIT

(via brigwife)

(via it-goes-in-my-butt)

(via nerdybutt)

stunningpicture:

I saw this cat at a Japanese pet store. I think it’s enough to break the internet…

stunningpicture:

I saw this cat at a Japanese pet store. I think it’s enough to break the internet…

darkohexar:

You know what my favorite thing about the Pokemon TCG is? The attack names:

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And my all-time favorite:

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(via nerdybutt)

lameprlncess:

a good artist knows where to draw the line

(via the-me-conundrum)

tastefullyoffensive:

Coming soon, to a theatre near you. [bitfiend]

(via ruinedchildhood)

troyler-addict:

starbucks-sivan:

IF YOU’RE READING WAY TOO MANY FANFICS AT ONCE AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS

IF YOU’RE READING SO MANY FANFICS THAT YOU CONSTANTLY CONFUSE THE PLOTS AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS 

(via lunsch)

“You’re born with a ton of fucks to give, so you spend them like a kid with a credit card. You give fucks about your friends, about your grades, about your fashion sense, about strangers’ opinions. You give way too many fucks about way too many things. You have so many. Then, as you get older, you have maybe 10 fucks per month, so you learn to budget them. You allocate fucks to family and career, but there aren’t enough fucks to give to the newest fads. Oh, someone at work has something they need my help with that’s outside my job title? I’ll do my best to allocate some fucks, but this month is pretty tight. Then, as you get even older, you’re down to 1-2 fucks per month, and those fucks are pretty damn precious. You give them to your family and your hobbies and your job, and that’s kinda it. It’s not your fault – fucks expire too quickly. I would’ve liked to save my fucks from when I was younger but I can’t. Then, you hit fuck insolvency. You’re getting like 1 fuck a year, and you have to make it last. So you go without, and even previously fuck-worthy things, you just can’t give a fuck. Some people run out really quickly, Some people have a fuck trust fund that pays out a decent amount even into old age. But at some point, the fuck faucet runs completely dry and you’re out of fucks to give. It’s just basic Fuckonomics.”

Unknown English Teacher (via memewhore)

(Source: swarthyvillain, via nerdybutt)